Monday, June 29, 2009

Heat and Gowns, Gardens and Stilettos...

I came across photos of some wedding a the countryside, with garden of grass and little bits of flowers here and there... and the sad thing about it was this...

Everybody was still dressed to the nines in the heat.. with stilettos (see them get stuck in the dirt), tiny tube dresses and full tuxedos. Even the bride was in full bridal attire... but okay it's the bride.

It just pains me to see that despite the relax environment, the wedding didnt seem relax at all (well, in my opinion).

If I had a garden wedding, I'd want everybody to come in sundresses, a nice shirt/ slacks, something well-groomed but not so contricting in this heat. Wedges would be nice (note: never wear stilettos for a garden, wedges will do)

If I was the bride, I would look for a nice ivory poofy sundress (those of the lolita sort) and pair of white ribbon wedges, put my hair up in a nice wavey ponytail (if it's long) or short waves (if it's short), pair of pearl earrings. ..

Well, that'd be my idea of a garden wedding... Let's not forget the other 5 types I'd like..

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Anything I'm Not

-Lenka

Gimme a break , A little escape
I am so tired of being me
I wanna be free
I wanna be new and different
Anything I'm not, I'm not...

I will never be, I will never be you
No, I will always be, I will always be me
That I know but oh
Even though I'm happy being me
I want to get away from all this harsh reality
Oh......

Saturday, June 20, 2009

When the magic is over...

Cinderella Hour- Good Tipsy. Happy. Hyper. DQ (Dancing Queen). Fun.

Clubbing past Cinderella hour- Drunk. Pissed Off. Emotional Wreck. Major DQ (Drama Queen). Violent. Do things I should not do. Not so fun.

I will stick to leaving the party at midnight like my other Cinderella friend. After the hour of magic has broken and reality sets in, my glass slipper and ball gown turns into rags and slippers.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Knotted..

I have a lump in my throat, a knot in my stomach. Not the good kind...
But it will go away. I have to make it.


---edit---
music makes everything better.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Let the Music Heal Your Soul...

I've gone completely ballistic this time, skipping around in my own kingdom of clouds and floating along the yellow brick road of insanity. Which is a good thing. I think.

Better than drowning in my pothole of depression and wallowing in sad music.

Not that I stopped listening to sad songs but I think my focus this time is on the tunes rather than the lyrics itself.

This is random but when I wrote down the title, it reminded me of the song and somehow in the blink of an eye, remembered the unforgotten Gil. Gil was soooooo cute then. (if you all remember who Gil was, my sister was a big fan and was totally in lurve with him back in the days. I think I had a major crush on Aaron Carter and he was like 20 years younger than me or something. Talk about being paedophilic. But I swooned over his cuteness over "I've got a crush on you..." even when he couldn't really sing)


So Music & Me is good this time. I've been feeling giddy, bubbly, and totally floating on air this coming week. You know the feeling when you know something exciting is about to happen? Or when you have that little knot in your stomach (good knot) when you have a major crush on someone? Except this time I think I might be crushing on myself. Major weird.

I've been thinking of reconstructing an exercise regime for me which I must (must, must,must) try to follow (or start in the first place).

Maybe it's the P.B. I've had last night or the Chianti I've been stocking up on but I soooo lurve this state I'm in right now because I'm just so excited and optimistic about life lately when I don't think much is happening. And most of all, the reason for this does not include any Y chromosome...

Music does do wonders for the soul..... I think I should try joining BCT [Bangkok Community Theatre] (one of the things I've always wanted to do but never dared) and let all all this energy find an outlet of its own... or maybe I could just continue bellowing in the evenings in front of my laptop forcing my only audience (my sister who sits around the corner and has no way to avoid hearing me) the privilege to enjoy my solo performances night after night......

Signing out,
The DQ [in the clouds]

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Finding Strength in Weakness..

I've been sad, disappointed, happy, angry, eluded for the last few weeks.
Right now I'm at a point in my life where I'm standing at a crossroad,
To forgive?
Or try to forget?

I've been blinded by my own creation of a fantasy world partially contributed to his gentlemanly acts in the one year I've known him which I've never experienced before.

The majority of the time, I was consumed by confusion, sadness, paranoia, fear and disappointment.

Confused by his intentions, Sad from being let down , Paranoid that there are others, Disappointed with myself and from my stupidity (or rather blindness).

Despite all these negative emotions I've been engulfed in, the small slice of moments I've had with him were ones of the happiest I've had.

How is it that the same person who gives you the joyous moment of your life is able to tear it down within seconds inflicting tears in your eyes and bringing you down on your knees.

Some things are better left unsaid, some memories better left untainted, some questions best left unanswered.

I'll try to keep the best memories I have of you and your greatest acts no matter how fake they might be been and despite the disrespect I've been given in the last few weeks.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Hypocritical Society

Yesterday I came across this TV talk show having a discussion and call-in session about whether it is wrong for women to "jeeb" men first. Translation: Is it wrong for women to hit on men first?

The answers that came from the callers were absolutely disgusting.
It was a case of 5 Yes against 2 Nos.

Reasons that came up in all the 5 cases were that it was against the culture and tradition of Thailand and women should act lady like and not forget their Asian roots.

Oh Em Gee.... What are these people talking about?

In a society full of "gigs" and "gucks", people actually think or feel it's wrong or distasteful for women to hit on men first.

Clarification:
Gigs: More than friends, Less than a bf/gf.
Gucks: Friends you f*ck. (friends with benefits)

Hello? Are we still living the the 15th century?

The discussion should be more around the idea of whether it's wrong or not to be Gigs with somebody who is attached as it's so common and seen everywhere in Thai society. That is rather disturbing in a "traditional" culture where it's distasteful to make the first move on your man but it's not wrong to date/hang out/get close to somebody who is attached.

Some major re-education needs to be done.... I'm dazed.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Where's my green light?

For Boonie,

I was listening to the song Green Light in Bossa version by Estrella and despite the musical orgasm I received from the pleasant jazzy rendition of this song, I find the lyrics to be disturbingly slutty. Disturbingly slutty enough to be our personal motto for a while...
I can't comment on your blog but after I read your last entry, I felt like I've let go of a lot of things I wanted to do.. I don't know they fell along the way or if it's just because I'm lazy..but I'm going to find a way to get things back on track .

The case of the raging hormones....
Where's my green light?
I might be colorblind as I can only see major red lights and road blockage sprawled across in front of my eyes...

---------------------------------------------------------------
Green Light (originally by John Legend)

Give me the green light
Give me just one night
I'm ready to go right now
I'm ready to go right now

I'm ready to go right now
I'm ready to go right now

I see you move, I'm checking your smile
Working your back like it's going out of style
Shake just a little bit faster
Shake just a little now girl
Dying to meet you, so let's mess around
I've got an obsession of us getting down
Come just a little bit closer
I just need permission so just...

Give me the green light
Give me just one night

I'm ready to go right now
I'm ready to go right now

We can go all night
Give me the green light
I'm ready to go right now
I'm ready to go right now

I'm ready to go right now
I'm ready to go right now

Oh 1,2,3....Green Light
If it's what it seems like,
Then we can get it moving baby
Cause we know it's gonna be right
I'm ready to go right now

Oh 1,2,3..Red Light
I wanna see what your bed's like.
But if I can be your buddy
Could you study and get your head right
I'm ready to go right now

Do I have a girlfriend... technically no.
If you'll be my girlfriend then I'll make it so
You'll be my only true lover
No competition, no others
Baby it's just the thrill of the chase
But I've got a feeling that I'm winning this race!
Baby I'm in much closer
I just need permission so...

Give me the green light...
Give me just one night.
I'm ready to go right now!
I'm ready to go right now

We can go all night
Give me the green light
I'm ready to go right now
I'm ready to go right now


Oh 1,2,3....Green Light
If it's what it seems like,
Then we can get it moving baby
Cause we know it's gonna be right
I'm ready to go right now

Oh 1,2,3..Red Light
I wanna see what your bed's like.
But if I can be your buddy
Could you study and get your head right
I'm ready to go right now

I'm ready to go right now
I'm ready to go right now

Monday, June 8, 2009

Game Over.

We played a game, you and I.
With my eyes blindfolded while you led me around.

The excitement of what I'll find in the dark,
The suspense of where I'll end up.

But now that the blindfold's gone,
I see the game we've been playing.

You led me around in circles,
With no destination in mind.

I'm going my own way,
Making my own path, going where my road takes me.

Game Over. You have to find someone else to play with.

Monday, June 1, 2009

The Run

I’ve never felt this happy in a long time.
The air in my face, the breeze in my hair,
The smell of the ocean, the feeling of sand between my toes,
The pain in my throat, the heaviness in my thighs and legs,
Yet I can still run.

I’m out of breath but I love the feeling,
The feeling that I can still keep on running and it’ll take a while to stop me.
If my mind’s weary, if my body’s tired and wrapped in a cocoon of illness,
If my heart’s troubled but I can still keep on going.
I can keep going though everything else wants to hold me back.

I love the afternoon run on the beach.