Boys & Chocolate : A Poem from 2000

Boys are like chocolate
Leaving you insane
To take that first bite
But knowing you have nothing to gain
Except for the aftermath
Of what you have to do,
To get rid of that pimple
And the extra weight too.

You savour the moment
When you feel the rush
Of joy inside.
But after the magic takes place,
The side effect you have to hid.

The break out, the fat, the extra weight
you've put on.
Hoping you never did touch that chocolate
In the first place, hoping it was gone

Chocolate is magical,
a dessert to paridise.
But boys on the other hand.
That, you should think twice.

Realisation of the Self : A Poem resurrected from 2000

If life has a presence, a shadow cast over me
A ship traveling blind, raging out to sea
If life knows of friendship, navigating alone by the stars
This soulless adventurer slowly drifting afar.

If life has a sound, that of an intricate tune
A breath of the end, starting simply too soon.
The pulse of a heartbeat of one with no name
If life had a conscience, guilt with no shame.

Restrained of emotions, various depths of the sea
If life has a soul, its paid laid out for me,
Waiting for dawn, a sunrise never to come
Mirrors of self reflection, shattered and numb.

Dreams of new hopes and beginnings creeped into mind
Thoughts of existence reversed as each path unwinds
If life can cast magic, appearances disappear
No mind, body or soul - neither one there nor here.

A knot pitted against my stomach
Sight of nothingness, just staring at black
Freedom - the moment when I can be just me
Unleashed and broken from life - I'm never turning back.

searching for a new alias

i've stopped writing (or rambling or babbling or whatever i'm doing on this blog).

i don't expect anybody to read it. actually i don't think i want anybody to read it.

i've missed writing. although i only ramble or complain or do what i do on this, it helps me get a lot out of my chest ninety percent of the time.

i think a lot. i analyze a lot so at times, it really helps that i can just go on writing on this. i guess it's like a security blanket for me.

i used to feel that i need to write about something "interesting" or "exciting" and to help provide those content, i need to excite myself with a little drama. wrong move. i'm jumped from xanga (started blogging since 2003) to blogspot so i can show a more "grown up version" of myself. needless to say, the "serious" blogging came to a halt and the ramblings came up again. i guess it's just who i am. i have to think hard to write about "event" and "things" but it comes naturally for me to write how i "feel" and what i "think" about certain things.

so many i should just rename my blog from "spotted by the DQ" to "ramblings of the DQ" instead. on the other hand, maybe i should just create a new alias now...since "the DQ" is no where near any drama. she has retired from that era some time ago...

so should it be "ramblings of her" ? need to think about this new name....

everybody who have come across my username "theDQ" on BB etc have been questioning me what it stood for and when they found out questioned why since i'm so drama-free. guess the DQ grew up a bit.

non-dramatic drama.

bungee jumping, promoted, got myself a little darling chihuahua (Moet!), beach trip on its way.

a little demotivated at work. felt like being underpaid and undervalued.

a little bored a home. a little patience. a little loving. some tough loving needed (?)

i find that i operate better when i have time to love. devoting myself to little Moet who does not seem to be anywhere near to potty training. she smells because we can't give her a shower for a week due to vaccination.

i don't know what i'm doing.

Juggling between career and family

I've faced many incidents when I had to try to justify my decision and explain why I've decide to focus on being a career-oriented woman.

Due to technology, background and many other factors, the roles of women and men have shifted and merged in the modern society, creating a jumble of confusion and complexities when it comes to dating and seeking for partnership today.

Men have become weaker, more self absorbed, emotional and sensitive and less of a gentleman. The need to protect the weaker sex have vanished.

Women, on the other hand, have risen in terms of career, holding high flying jobs, have become more independent, self-serving and stronger.

When the weak have lessen, the need for the protector also disappears.

Women used to be the caretaker of the family while men provide. These days, women are strong enough to take care of herself in addition to her own family.

Men are not given the chance to be gentlemen for women do not act like ladies.

While given the option to focus on family or their career, most women in the modern society would choose the latter for many reasons. To possess the ability to stand on their own feet? To prove that they can also make it in this world? To provide a back up plan for maybe one day maybe she won't meet the right partner to start a family? Or just a back up plan in case that partnership does not survive?

I've always been focused on making it on my own and depending on myself due to my family background and the environment I grew up in. But if I could choose, I would gladly sacrifice my career and the want to have to rise and succeed in work to have a happy family and stay at home just to raise my kids.

June: Activity Month

Starting to spend money again but not afraid to spend it. For the last few months, I've been scared to spend the money I earn in fear of not being able to save.
Booked myself for dinner with some friends tonight and tomorrow night in addition to Rock Climbing on Saturday with my sissy poo.

I want to get hair extensions but that would mean $$$$ again but right now can't I do what I want to do? I have put away an amount of last month's salary into the bank already so yeah....><

Things I want to do this month.

-Watch Sex and the City 2.
-Watch Iron man 2.
-Watch Prince of Persia.
-Get hair extensions.
-Rock climbing session.
-Meet up more with my friends.
-Do a beach trip to Pranburi to chill.
-Karaoke.
-Les D'z sleepover and facial night.

I just need a month full of activities, hopefully to exhaust me so I can fall asleep on my bed and not think too much.

tired

I'm tired.
Want to give up everything.
Wants to run away from everything.
With nobody else.
Just me.
I hate depending on people.
And when I'm disappointed.
If its just me, the only person who can disappoint me is me.