tired

I'm tired.
Want to give up everything.
Wants to run away from everything.
With nobody else.
Just me.
I hate depending on people.
And when I'm disappointed.
If its just me, the only person who can disappoint me is me.

< /3

Half of my heart's got a grip of the situation.
Half of my heart takes time....

Words and Thoughts

You told me you like the chase.
What if I feel like chasing too ... what do I do?

You say you like my independence.
What if I want to depend on you some times...what do I say?

You have no reaction when I say I'm going out.
I know you don't want to go out but sometimes I want you to...how can I tell you that?

Words coming from my mouth and thoughts running through my head.
They're crashing into each other.

What will happen when you find out I'm not who you think I am.

I'm not as cold blooded as I say.

I'm not as independent as you think.

I'm just trying to hold on to a piece of you in any way I can.

Good night. Sleep tight.

Tired from over-socializing.
Small conversations over alcohol.
Music blaring in the background.
Entertainment tonight.


My mind's been busy.
I try to keep it that way.
Places to go, people to meet, buzzing in the brain.
To keep it from overthinking.

But now I'm worn out from the constant activities.
My brain's shut down.
Now I need to tend to my weary body.
Give it a good rest.

If I only lack a heart..

Yesterday.
I've started on a new journey, the reflection of a new me.
I've learn to laugh and learn that I can be happy.
My new activities, social circle, a new me who moved on.
Not a single thought of you, not a single concern, not a single worry or doubt.
No excitement that I've had with you but at the same time no tears.
I'm a much happier me.
You were out of the picture.

Today.
A blinking window of conversation from the unknown.
From an email address I've deleted but can still remember by heart.
A " :)"

Memories, both good and bad flooding back into my memory.

Why is it that every little thing you do move every thought and ignite every memory in me?

Waiting for the day. The day when your spontaneous "hellos" won't affect me so.

You only feel old when you think you're old...

or when your body sends you a sign.

And so I thought I was god. Or rather I thought I was somewhat in an immortal state these past few weekends full of late night adventures pouring into my system the dangerous dark brown liquids and dancing the night away like I'll never dance again.

I've been constantly ignoring the signs sent out from my body, the weariness at work and constant lack of focus in what I do. My braincells or rather the lack of.

This Tuesday, my body just shut down. I woke up with a fire blazing in my throat and the continuous throbbing in my bed. I couldn't get up so I had to take leave. Downed myself with all medicine I could find (for sorethroat, fever, headache- u name it, i took it) and fell onto my deathbed like Sleeping Beauty, only waking up twice for lunch and dinner and to gobble up some more medicine.

The wonders of modern science!!! (or was it the Chinese tablets that worked?- I'll never know) The sore throat was gone the next day and I could head back to work. Only think left was the drowsiness from over medicating myself. (If I wasn't so stupid, I'd be a doctor this life - seriously...)

So anyways, I don't know if presently my body is still drowsy from all these med intake or is it just tired from over partying on the weekends. I guess I'll have to find out tomorrow night! Toodle-loo...

A step back, a thought clearer.

Head filled with fantasies of ravaged sheets and words of seduction.
Trying to master the art of falsies.
Forced to let go of music for it's time to listen to the sounds of the world.
Fingers switching from them blood reds to frosty pinks.
Wearing my newly acquired Havaianas to work- seriously.
Retro Tech. N- 7210 Super Nova with hidden cute pink stars inside. (it’s true!)
Carefree. Goth star. Lolita in the making. Silhouette of temptation.
The clouds are forming. The sky is darkening.

Pace yourself, dear, for yet another season of change.
Try to keep up with The DQ.