Realisation of the Self : A Poem resurrected from 2000

If life has a presence, a shadow cast over me
A ship traveling blind, raging out to sea
If life knows of friendship, navigating alone by the stars
This soulless adventurer slowly drifting afar.

If life has a sound, that of an intricate tune
A breath of the end, starting simply too soon.
The pulse of a heartbeat of one with no name
If life had a conscience, guilt with no shame.

Restrained of emotions, various depths of the sea
If life has a soul, its paid laid out for me,
Waiting for dawn, a sunrise never to come
Mirrors of self reflection, shattered and numb.

Dreams of new hopes and beginnings creeped into mind
Thoughts of existence reversed as each path unwinds
If life can cast magic, appearances disappear
No mind, body or soul - neither one there nor here.

A knot pitted against my stomach
Sight of nothingness, just staring at black
Freedom - the moment when I can be just me
Unleashed and broken from life - I'm never turning back.

The Ingrate.

Emotions left unsaid,
Tears forming on the brim of my eyes,
Trying my best to hold it in.
The anger,frustration, grudge all melted away in seconds.

Overwhelmed with nauseau,
My head about to explode,
The thought comes to my mind.
I'm such an ungrateful daughter.

For all the things she did,
I could only remember the bad,
Never the smiles, laughters, good times we've had.

Only point fingers for her faults, her flaws,her mistakes.
Blaming her for all she did to me.
The reason I turned out the way I did.

But aren't I the way I am because of her?
I'm strong, fearless, stubborn, persistent, ambitious, never take no crap from noone.

Full of fear, regrets, emotional, coldhearted all the same. A confused personality.
I love her but I hate her.
I want to forgive her but I can't forget enough to.

I'm the ungrateful daughter.
The daughter she should wish to never have.

One life...

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If you have one life,

Would you live it to make others happy?

Or would you rather live to make yourself happy?

If you have one life,

Does it mean having only one heart?

If you have one life,

Would you love one with all your heart?

Or would you love as many as you can.

(Pass the love around, so they say.)

If you have one life,

Would you want to take life slowly and just relax?

Or would you plan something for every minute of your one life?

If you have one life,

Would you only want to experience happiness?

Would you also want to go through pain, sadness, anger?

If you have one life,

Well, I do have one life. No duh.

What am I brooding about?

I Owe You No More.

You've always wanted your own life,
You've always wanted your freedom
The regrets of your mistakes.
Haunts you today.
You don't know me.
You don't know us.

You've always wondered
About your other life
The chance to the life you want.
Without me,
Without us.

You've made your decision in the past,
You gambled on freedom,
Don't want any commitment.
You left me,
You left us.

And now the final straw
To end all attachments
Our recklessness
Our emotions , disrespect
All the excuses you can use
To cut the last string loose.

Birth certificates, Old photos.
Left in a bag on our doorstep.
The last proof of any attachment.
Snipped with a blade.
We're no longer connected.
I give you your life back.
I give you your freedom.

We owe you no more.