I've been sad, disappointed, happy, angry, eluded for the last few weeks.
Right now I'm at a point in my life where I'm standing at a crossroad,
To forgive?
Or try to forget?
I've been blinded by my own creation of a fantasy world partially contributed to his gentlemanly acts in the one year I've known him which I've never experienced before.
The majority of the time, I was consumed by confusion, sadness, paranoia, fear and disappointment.
Confused by his intentions, Sad from being let down , Paranoid that there are others, Disappointed with myself and from my stupidity (or rather blindness).
Despite all these negative emotions I've been engulfed in, the small slice of moments I've had with him were ones of the happiest I've had.
How is it that the same person who gives you the joyous moment of your life is able to tear it down within seconds inflicting tears in your eyes and bringing you down on your knees.
Some things are better left unsaid, some memories better left untainted, some questions best left unanswered.
I'll try to keep the best memories I have of you and your greatest acts no matter how fake they might be been and despite the disrespect I've been given in the last few weeks.
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i hope this works.. and imma copy it in case it fails so i won't have to retype this all over.
ReplyDeletei'm reading your blog and somehow it feels like i'm writing all that you are saying.
and btw, what's disgusting about a girl hitting on a guy? ok, tactically speaking, it's probably not going to go anywhere much further than a fling if a girl does that, but i don't see anything wrong with that. maybe sometimes we just need a quick fix. not that it's right.. but oh well. it's not the 15th century anymore.
pep, don't ever give up or forget about what you want to do. we get distracted sometimes and that's ok. but bundle yourself together again and set out to achieve what you always wanted. life's too short. i know it's cliche, but it's true.
i'm running, gymming, reading, getting a lot of personal time to myself. i've finally taken a trip wo the ex and it reminded me of how good it feels to just be happy. i've been unhappy/insecure/and being driven to the point of madness for too damn long and i'm out of there now, stronger and wiser than ever.
i'm pretty sure you'll get out of the rut you're stuck in. it takes some time (you told me that) and take as much as you want, don't rush it, don't put too much pressure on yourself. you'll wake up one day feeling like nothing can touch you. i'm serious.
on another note, the man has finally replied 2 smses. urgh. i think it's over la. but it was good while it lasted :) amazing man, i've learnt alot and he's pretty much been a gentleman. swoon.
do u know what's funny pep? i re read my old blog entries.. the ones where i felt most down and out, but i feel nothing anymore. i dont remember how it felt like to be crazy depressed. right now, it didn't even feel like that was me.
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